Empathy

empathy... the ability to sense and understand someone else's feelings as if they were one's own [Greek empatheia affection, passion]

I don't understand why I am such am empathetic person? Especially toward my family!!! I swear when one of them hurts I hurt and I can actually feel it in my heart :( I have oodles of empathy for my sister right now. I know deep down she has to be hurting over the fact that some people just aren't supportive of her. I know either way she'll be ok but it can't be easy!

I keep thinking my dad will pull out of this little mess he has going on in his head about my sister but he's not. He has taken everything so much to heart when really you should never take what a 16 year old says to heart. He gets frustrated when he doesn't see or hear from her but I don't know what 16 year old what's to talk to their parents. I told my dad that but still he's all butt hurt about everything. He says to me today that he's not going to check her baby site because she should be calling him. I'm afraid he's ruining their relationship because he can't see that she's a teenager. My heart is literally aching over all of this and I have no clue what to do anymore. I kinda just feel like I have to step back and say if you guys can't work it out I can't sit here and try to make you.

Maybe everything will be just fine... I just need to not let it stress me out. Thank goodness for Piloga tomorrow!

Jubilee Days!!

Hmm... fire in the sky, street dances, carnival, rodeos... where to begin?! Oh wait!!! I haven't hardly done any of it! I can't believe myself sometimes. I have to wonder why I was born here and why I'm still here from time to time (only when I think of the Carnies and Rodeo). I have never been to a rodeo with someone who knew what they were talking about... therefore, I have no clue what's actually going on at the rodeo and pretty much just go to socalize. I've come to realize you shouldn't pay to socialize. Carnies kinda freak me out and the carnival here kinda sucks minus the tigers that I haven't even seen yet cuz when I went he had a mountain lion (woopdedoo buddy I see those in the mountains all the time). Sorry to be such a negative nancy I was just really bummed I missed the tigers!! As for fire in the sky once again I can't pay to socialize and I don't really know who Eric Church or the Lost Trailers are?! Someone wanna help me with that one, Chelsea and Taylie tried but I don't really remember. And the street dances!!! COME ONE DUDE!!?!??!?! Honestly maybe when I'm older and people have grown outta there high school drama and cattiness I will enjoy those. I went last night but it wasn't much fun and aside from Samantha, Sam, Luke, and Frank there wasn't really anyone I don't see on a regular basis thanks to Passow living with us now. I don't know my boss seems to enjoy all that stuff but she's older so that makes more sense for her, maybe it'll be cooler next year when I can drink and kinda just chill instead of awkwardly stand there and see who's coming by to fakely talk to me next.

I don't know what it is with me and that fact that Jubilee Days doesn't really impress me anymore? Last night at the street dances I realized everyone was getting much younger and stupider. Not sure what it is with kids these days but they're kinda dumb. After much begging and pleading Kinley and I finally got Josh and Shane to leave. From there we walked to Loaf N' Jug for some donuts because Daylight Donuts smelled so good but was closed. After that we kinda just hung out then went to bed. The nice thing about Jubilee Days is it seems theres A LOT more people around downtown so while today at work was boring because no one really came in there were a lot of people who stopped and talked to me. I was sitting outside crocheting the blanket I'm making for my sister. The younger people or even those my age just gave me weird looks but all the older people told me how beautiful it was. I think they appreciated that someone young was doing an old persons activity I admit it's old but I enjoy it.

Off the Jubilee Days stint... I am getting so much better at Piloga and I love it. It's getting easier and I'm less sore the next day so as Lisa says we must be getting stronger. Plus I don't know if I'm losing weight because I gave up on the scale but I feel SO SO SO much better about myself now :) Like my pants aren't all tight and I am not self concious about my love handles (as much anymore). Well that's about all... can't say there's much else to talk about.

OH OH no I lied. I went over to Taylie's house the other day and we had a fun time!!! We just drank beer and hung out then I went home and they went to the street dances. Sorry Tay Hope that I didn't wanna go with you... maybe now you'll understand why lol. I love that Taylie is back it's totally AWESOME!!! I missed her so much while she was gone and I'm so happy we got to stay close the whole time she was gone too! It takes a true friendship to be able to do that.

Lots to talk about...

So as most would probably expect, blogs about teenage pregnancy doesn't just come from anywhere. My sister is 16 and pregnant. After much thought and going back and forth about a thousand times, my sister chose to keep her baby. It was definitely a hard choice for her and I am behind her every step of the way. Since the decision we have been in full baby mode. We have already bought (when I say we I mean my mom) a bassinet, car seat stroller combo, play pen, Moby wrap, and many other small things. I bought my sister some bottles and crib sheets, we're trying to stick to necessities. We've also receieved some great things from Jocey (newborn car seat, bouncer, bath tub, and newborn diapers). This definitely won't be an easy thing but we will do just fine and I think my sister will be a great mom.

Yesterday we cleaned out Jordyne's old room and painted in a nice calming green. Talon was awesome about painting and hauling things out. It was best when he turned around after about an hour of painting and said "this was fun, now it just sucks." Ha ha... I couldn't believe we got the ENTIRE thing done in one day! Now we just need to get the exercise room clean so that Shane can steam both the carpets at once. I'm not going to lie it's a tough time and not an ideal age but I'm pretty excited. I know everything will work out and be fine no matter what. I do get worried about things like paying for him/her and if Talon will really stick around cuz they're so young but I feel I have to push those things to the back of my mind. We have to make the best of it and when complications come along we deal with them then.

My Dad has been having a really hard time with all of this! I don't blame him it's got to be about ten times harder for dad's but I know it will all be ok with him too. I finally talked to him after giving him some space. He said he is just having a harder time getting excited because he's so worried, no dad wants this for his teenage daughter. I told him either way it's going to be his grandbaby and that everyone will work it out but we can do much else. He's getting better. It really made me happy this morning when Mama Lani told him she heard the good news and congratulations. He said he's just really worried and it's going to hold Lindsey back from a lot so Lani said "yeah but life continues after that... your gaut complicates things and so did my cancer but we get back in there." Gotta say she was awesome for that and I still love Mama Lani VERY much!!!

I'm still going to Piloga now twice a week instead of just once. My body is getting less sore so I must be getting better at it and stronger. I absolutely love it! It gets me together and keeps my sanity I'm pretty sure. I love how much it relieves my stress I swear I figure it out for myself then something like my sister getting pregnant happens. Not that her being pregnant is bad it's just nerve wrecking and I stress a lot. Although it's less stressful than when she was deciding and I couldn't sleep. All is well now and I know everything will work out!

Teenage Pregnancy

I'm becoming to find with more and more people around me who get pregnant that in some way or another they are looked down upon if they of a certain age or don't have a dad to go with the baby. How come in my life right now if I were to get pregnant it would be a happy thing to everyone (even though I'm totally not ready and still young) but if a girl who is 18 or even younger gets pregnant it's like the end of the world? In a town like this everyone will know very quickly if that girl got pregnant and what she did. It seems no matter what choice she makes, (keep the baby, get an abortion, put him or her up for adoption) she will always be shunned. People will hate her for being a teenage mom but still trying to live her life, then people will hate her for getting an abortion because it's so "wrong." But why are we the ones that get to choose for her? Why is it that those who should be most important to her push her away for not making the decision that we all wanted her to make? The fact is, it's not our choice and instead of telling her she's a "fuck up" because we don't like her choice, we should being telling her "I love you always no matter what." We should hear her out no matter how selfish we think her reasons are because we are not the ones having the baby. We can say "I'll help you in any way possible" but in the end it's her who needs to decide what to do.

Now this girl decides to get an abortion because she feels like she can't do it and she's not ready and if she were only a year older she could handle it. We all try our best to support her but then tell her she should've made this decision sooner. Truthfully though, what difference does it make if the baby looks like a sea monkey or a tadpole? As Shane put it, it's easier to shot the fish. Either way though we killed something with a heart and now whomever has to live with that. So it's easier to eat the fish but if we step on the frog we feel bad but either way we killed it. Why is that? And why is it that no matter what decision the "mom" makes we still judge her in some way? All I know, is that with all my friends who have babies, are pregnant, or have decided they aren't ready, they all made the right choice for themselves and I have no say in how she decides. Even if I don't agree, I can tell her it scares me but I'm not her and what would I do if I was in that situation. I couldn't tell you what I would do because sure I've had pregnancy scares but I've never actually had to go past the scare. I can only hope to God when I'm in that situation (if I ever am, pregnancy is God's Will) that people support me no matter what.