Dreams

My mom is the kind of person who follows the news like crazy and knows EVERY small silly fact possible. She knows what's going on in the world from tragedies to what celeb is getting married/divorced. She knows all the town news from who's HUGE and recently fired (or arrested as the new case is), to who is born, engaged, or even who's obituary has come up. My mom is going to be 40 on the 30th and as old as she feels I still believe she's very young (40 is NOTHING).
Before I go into what this is really about, I must give you some background info on my mom. She was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and upon her parents divorce was moved here to Wyoming, yet when she visited her dad in the various cities the amazingly crazy man lived in she knew her heart lay in the city still. My mom and dad had me when she was 19 and my dad was 20 and although they say they didn't marry just because of me, I feel they did. It was young love and they didn't know each other. Needless to say, I have two younger sisters and my parents stayed together for 17 married years (20 non married i think?) for the kids. However, for the kids is far from a good idea seeing as how it took a toll on all of us girls since I was 17 when my parents separated and the youngest was 12. The divorce was ugly and also took its toll on my parents. My dad is now remarried and my mom has dated some new men (well children is more like it), but she hasn't found the one or even close to!
Due to all the circumstances above, my mom is doing it all backwards. She never graduated college although she had only 6 months left when my baby sister was born. From what my mom tells me, my Grandma (dad's mom) made her feel like a bad mom for pursuing her dream of graduating. However, maybe it was better that she didn't because her major in psychology (as well as mine) isn't what either of us dream of.
My mom being the news fiend that she is, is now realizing all of the people who are her age that she either knows or in the celeb world who are dying of various things. Within the month, 3 people from around the area in their 40's have died of cancer. But what really hit her was Natasha Richardson's skiing accident. The famous actress from movies such as the Parent Trap and Love Actually is on life support for a brain injury and is only 45. Despite all of what has been happening my mom has started to see that she never pursued the things she has dreamed of and that she's hitting that age. When I told her you won't die mom, she said " maybe not tomorrow but i don't want to waste anymore time... I just think I spent so much of my life wishing and protecting myself and you guys and not letting my dreams know cause everyone said I shouldn't because I had responsibility."
All of this is true, my mom was finished having children at the age of 23, but how does that make it her responsibility to guard us and not follow her dreams!? TOTALLY UNFAIR!!! My mom is one of those mom's that would drop head and foot for her kids and would (as she's already done), give my sister the 250 for her car payment and miss her own. My mom is the mom that HATES Laramie and wants to get out, but knows my sister has 2 years until she graduates and doesn't want to take her out of environment she knows. She's also the mom that when she will move, won't go farther than Denver because she knows that 10 years from now I'll have kids and she doesn't want to miss out on that!
My mom is an amazing mom and I so badly want her to pursue her dreams. Get out of here go to cosmetology school, be a photographer, spend time with her children and someday grandchildren. My mom deserves the best and when she finds it I will be right by her side at the court house (haha cuz alter just isn't happening for her!). My mom is literally my best friend and at my 21st birthday instead of being out bar hopping I will be out with my mom and the Ya-Yas, whatever they awesomely plan for me. I just want her to push herself and know that she can care about us, but needs to do her as well no matter how it may change her or my sisters lives. Anything and everything she has done will only better her as well as better us and I want her so badly to know that! She never steps without wondering how it will affect me, J, or Lindz.