Boudoir Sneak Peek!!!

Oh my!!! Steph blogged about the Boudoir shoot and emailed me first to see if she could use one of my pictures! It is amazing to know that deep down I do have that sexy appeal to me and that my boyfriend finds me attractive! He saw the one picture and said "WOW!!!" Jeez, all I can think is if he thinks that way then just imagine how I feel. Wow is totally right, for once I felt like an adult and not a kid anymore! I love my eyes in the picture that Steph used and I'm so excited to see the rest! Still wish I could link lol, I'll ahve to ask Steph how to do that! I just had to do a quick update about how I felt about that picture. Seeing it has made me totally confident and comfortable with the fact that I'm not the stick I was when I was dancing and that's good and I'm still beautiful!

Last Week and Plans for this Week

I get horrible at writing sometimes!!! Last week was terrible! I swear I was about to die by yesterday and yesterday was no better :( I worked about 40 hours last week on top of school. Thursday I had 4 papers due and Tuesday was the last of my midterm tests until the end of the month. It was just very stressful and hard to take in, I was all grumpy and I hate when I get like that! Saturday I worked from 10 until 515, closed up a little early and headed for Ft. Collins to do my Boudoir shoot!

Saturday was a great and amazing break for me. Work was pretty fun because I had girls coming in just to try on dresses for homecoming and other formals! When I closed at 515 my mom and Cameo met me at the shop. We left straight from there and headed to Ft. Collins. Stephanie Osborne of Ardent Photoraphy (wish I knew how to link stuff lol) was doing a Boudoir marathon. For those of you who don't know what Boudoir means, it means bedroom, so translation I did a bedroom shoot. It was so much fun! Last Saturday Cameo and I went to Fort Collins to Ross for some lingerie! I got 3 outfits for $40! The shoot was so fun and exciting. It was a great experience and I cannot wait to see my pictures! Steph said it would be about 2 weeks but she is bringing me a sneak peek tomorrow at my Slumber Party.

Leading me to this week! Today is just a simple day but after today it is constant birthday celebration! Tomorrow I am having a Slumber Party (aka dirty party haha). Wednesday is my 21st and my mom tried to plan a suprise party but facebook didn't add it as private so I saw it! So we are going to Lovejoy's and a lot of friends are joining! Thursday we are going to Chili's with my dad's family... and to finish the week off... WE ARE GOING TO BLACKHAWK!! I cannot wait for everything to start I'm so excited!

Bring on the Rachel Ray!

So maybe I'm a stealer of ideas I'm not sure but Julie and Julia has inspired me to learn how to cook so I chose to do Rachel Ray recipes. My goal is to make three recipes a week.

To start this week I chose Everything Jambalaya with White Rice, Orange Bourban Chicken, and Chicken Chorizo and Tortilla Soup. Yesterday I went to Shane's parents house because Jackie was out of town helping grandma since grandpa's death. I decided to start with the Jambalaya. I guess I've spent a fair amount of time in Jackie's kitchen because I know where everything is lol. Jambalaya was WAY easier than I anticipated! All I did was brown chicken then add chorizo, brown the chorizo, then add veggies (onion, green pepper, celery) and sautee those. After that I add Chicken Broth and some hot sauce along with some worshteshire sauce and flour to thicken it up. Then you just let the sauce thicken. While I did this, I did some of the dishes in the dishwasher for Jerry cuz he doesn't know how to run the high tech washer lol. The Jambalaya turned out AMAZING!!! I loved it and so did Jerry!

Today I went for the Orange Bourban Chicken. This one was even easier. Just brown chicken, add Orange Concentrate after letting the pan cool down then let that simmer. After taking the chicken out you add 2 shots of bourban and let the sauce simmer. I also made some pasta side stuff and corn to go with it. I didn't really know about the chicken, it was too sweet as Shane said. I thought it was ok except it was really sweet. I also realized I should let it brown a little longer and simmer a little longer so the chicken cooks a little more. I am going to need to find other ways to cook it so that it can be less sweet.

That's it for the cooking bit of my blog.

I got back from San Diego/Oceanside Sunday night. It was one of the most enjoyable trips I've been on in a long time. Sea World was awesome, I wish we would have gone there the last day because it was so cool that nothing else really matched up. The beach was really cool too. The beach we went to was on Camp Pendleton so it was only for those with a military ID and their friends. They do a really good job of keeping the beach clean and it's not crowded so it was really enjoyable.

Well two hours of homework to do before bed time because I work at 5 in the morning :(

Shane's Grandpa

There's a commercial for a new show called Mercy where the new nurse is told she has to shut off a guy's machines but says he's not dead. It then cuts to a scene where the old nurses come to ask her if she wants to get coffee, she says "first I have to kill Mr." whatever his name is. The girl pulls the plugs and asks if she wants to get that coffee now. At first you think it's funny, but then not so much!

I used to think this commercial was funny until Shane's grandpa had a stroke and was put on life support. It was a hard weekend. We had to go say our goodbye's. Just like Shane said, it's not so much that Grandpa died but that Grandma and Jackie are hurting so bad. I decided that commercial isn't funny because it's totally unrealistic! It wasn't all clean and bright and nice when we went and say Grandpa. It was dark and gloomy and kinda stunk a little. There were tubes all over the place and they had to suction out his mouth so he wouldn't choke. Why is it that we take the things we are scared of we make into humor in someway? I don't know it just really struck a chord with me. I used to want to watch that show but now I kind of don't. Not that I'm offended or anything I really just didn't like that it was so unrealistic. They showed that then nothing else when the truth is that old man would've slowly choked to death, that's is what happened to Grandpa when they took him off.

Grandpa passed around noon today. I guess that means time to let go and move on to helping grandma and Jackie as best as we can!

College Football

So I have not been to a college football game since last year's first game when I was still cheering. I'm kinda kicking myself hard in the ass now for quitting! I should have waited and been at this Wyoming v. Texas today. Our town is buzzing and probably tripled in size! I am at work and watching from behind this huge window as people scurry by in their brown and gold for Wyoming and Orange for Texas. Oh man I should have gone! To make matters worse, Comcast took Versus off so the game isn't even on TV for me! What a pain, why can't another channel come to my rescue?! Doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose of playing the game on TV if most people in Wyoming don't get the channel! Oh what a pain! I guess I'll try to see if it is streamed somewhere on the internet and listen to it on the radio!

Been Sick for a Week, Cali in a Week, and onto 4th week of school

I have now been sick since last Wednesday... my days are mixing up and I suppose today is Friday so I've now been sick for over a week. My body falls in a funk and then it can't get out of the funk! I went to the doctor today, she ran a pregnancy test which was thankfully negative, but unfortunately, she said there is a good chance that I am coming down with the stomach flu which means no foods that could possibly upset my stomach and lots of fluids and then hopefully I can bypass it. Due to this and work obligations being at 6 or before almost all week, I have missed work outs all week! It's annoying because I know when I go back Monday it will hurt!

On a good note, in less than a week I will be leaving more my mini vacay with my best friend's family! We are going to Cali to visit Cameo. While we're there we get to go to Sea World! On the other days I'm not sure what we're doing yet but Cali is SO SO SO exciting! I've never been there before!

Back to the sad notes...
Shane's grandpa had a stroke last weekend and has not been coming around since then. Tuesday we got a call that he was dying and Shane went down there. They were keeping grandpa alive so his family could say their goodbyes, then miraculously sometime in the afternoon grandpa stabalized. He is still getting help breathing and now it's an issue of the amount of brain tissue that is damaged. The more damaged brain tissue the worse it is because then he will not ever be the same again. Yesterday Grandma decided that on Monday she's pulling the plug because his living will says he doesn't want to be a vegetable and wouldn't want us sitting around waiting for him to come around. I'm really scared, I don't want to be gone during all of this for Shane. I keep thinking that Grandpa will come around, but I know he probably won't and chances are that is probably better for him. Now I'm stuck because I leave for Cali Wednesday night and what if Grandpa's funeral is while I'm gone. Shane's family has become a big part of my family and I am so lost on what to do if this all happens. It sounds so selfish I feel like, of course the answer would be I have to wait to go to Cali because I can't miss Grandpa's funeral. Had I been the one to buy the ticket it would be so much easier. Cameo's parents bought me this ticket almost 2 months ago and we've been planning and all excited since then... This all presents a problem and I'm so confused and not sure what to do with the situation.

Lastly for the over week that I haven't posted, I am now entering the 4th week of school... why is it that it's already doing by so fast? I have already written 3 papers and today I'm working on 2... This is also the weekend of the Texas v. Wyoming game. I have a feeling we're going to get stomped and unfortunately I cannot find it on TV because Comcast removed the game from their network. There's a lot of people in town and the Texans stick out like a sore thumb with all their orange! It's kinda cool though all the people in town. It's cool to know there actually is a team out there that people support them so much they travel hundreds of miles to see them.

Of course my stomach hurts and I'm tired... still 7 hours and 40 minutes in my day! Well at least I went over the half way mark!

Quick one before I finish the HW!

I've been getting right back into the swing of school. Everything got way better after the Saturday horrifying episode of getting yelled at by a pregnant girl when I was trying to give her a compliment. After work Shane and I went out to dinner at O'Dwyers, I think our out to dinner times are shortly over because we need to eat a little healthier than that. My stomach was hurting really bad so I passed out and didn't wake up til Sunday morning at 9:30. We lounged around then finally went out to breakfast (see we need to stop eating like that) then headed up to the mountains. We went to the mountains to get rocks for our fountain he's building then came home took showers and went to a BBQ. We caught up with Anderlee and his wife then went home. I finished some homework and our weekend was over.

It was a pretty simple weekend, I started 6a.m. work outs with Lisa and Janel. It went well this morning and I'm actually oddly excited for tomorrow. Getting up and going means I'll actually go instead of making excuses. Ok time to finish my homework cuz I'm tired from being up at 545 this morning.

This societal obsession with weight?!

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WITH THIS SOCIETAL OBSESSION WITH WEIGHT!?!?!?! I know in other cultures it's not like this and frankly I'm sick of it! I cannot even compliment a girl who is 14 weeks pregnant on how she's cute because she's already showing without her being touchy and calling me an idiot!!! Shouldn't pregnancy be an excuse for not fitting into this societies norm of skinniness? It isn't even a norm for that matter no one is model skinny and if they are go them. I'm just as much a victim to the societies norm as anyone else. I'm 5'2" and 122 pounds and here I obsess too much as well. Just like in my last blog complaining about how I need to get rid of my love handles, but let's face it no one's built the same and try as I might those may never fully go away. But what's the problem with that anyway!? Sometimes I look at pictures of myself and think "oh wow that's a horrible picture." That picture has nothing to do with who I am though. My body shape, face shape, makeup, hair, shoes, nothing material and visual has nothing to do with who I am as a person!

Sorry so short...

New tattoo along with losing those love handles!

So I am getting a new tattoo, I've wanted it forever and I'm kinda scared because it's big! I gotta find someone awesome to do it so I have to ask around. It's very important to me so it cannot be changed AT ALL and must be perfect! I think the lines are hard so that's why I have to find someone who is really really good!

Shane drew her when he was probably 16 and EVERYONE asked for her. Ex girlfriends, his mom, all sorts of people wanted her. For my 16th birthday Shane had her framed and gave her to me. It was (along with the poem my sister wrote me last year) one of the best birthday presents I ever got. Even while Shane and I were broken up (over and over again) she always remained hanging on my wall. I used to have tinkerbells (including one he drew) hanging with her but today she hangs across the room from where I sleep and is the only fairy still hanging around. I've decided to get her on my back her wings will circle around my left hip and the tip of her hair will probably touch my spine. She'll sit on my pant line and her feet will then go below my pants. I'm really excited for this one however... I HAVE TO LOSE MY DANG LOVE HANDLES!!!

Love handles you may ask?! Trust me, I may be tiny as most may say but I have my fair share of the muffin top. It's the only place on my body I'm insecure about and until they are gone and stay gone for some time I need to wait for the tattoo. The tattoo is my reward and motivation to continue to work out, lose an extra inch or two off my hips, and stay in shape! I work out through yoga and abs as well as some exercises Shane has found on the internet for me and will be walking everywhere NO EXCUSES!!! I've lost 3 pounds since I began working out, but I've decided due to these love handles no shrinking it's time to kick it into full gear!! So look out tattoo artists, pavement, and yoga mat here I come!!!

Sun and books

Wow! It's been a nice LONG weekend! I only worked until 10 on Friday so my weekend started early. After Lindsey and I got off work we showered and went to Cheyenne to meet our mom for a family day thing that her work had planned. Unfortunately we grabbed burger king before we left and missed out on the food they had there. For some reason we thought they didn't have food, I think we were just sickened with hunger. We got there and played a game kinda like horse shoes (I won), listened to a band (15 year old boys) who were pretty good but I wouldn't call it family friendly music lol, and just kinda hung out in the sun. We then went to Target and left our door prize tickets with our mom. Lindsey bought some really cute booties for Tayian and we both got a new pair of mocasins (sp.) then we went to Petsmart, then back home. That was kinda the end of our day for that part but we made big plans for the Greek Festival in Cheyenne the next day.

After FINALLY getting to sleep in yesterday I put some pork in the crock pot for dinner, showered, and headed to my mom's. Before we left we stopped by a garage sale in West Laramie and got some cute baby clothes, a pair of jeans for my mom, some kitchen utensils, a candle melter, a tiki station (weird I know Jay wanted it lol), an MWC blanket, and a car seat for Anthony all for under 30 bucks!!! We finally got to the gas station and then headed outta town. It was SO hot in Ft. Collins and I was glad I wore shorts. We ate some gyros walked around the greek festival and went to some stores downtown. Then we ran ALL over the place to get diapers and a rocking chair for my sister. We finally got to target and home depot then Talon and I walked to the bookstore where he bought The Sword of Shannara and I got Julie and Julia.

This brings me to my next part... I finished The Time Traveler's Wife and was in tears as I finished it. I totally understand why Lani didn't like the ending now. I was partial to it but definitely wasn't sure about a couple chapters in the end. However, I have to say that it is brilliantly written and only once again makes me want to write a book. I just don't think I have the imagination that some people do and I don't think I could think up some of those things. What would I write about?! Well I started Julie and Julia last night and am already 100 pages in. It's totally different but I still like it. However, after a book like the Time Traveler's Wife it's almost like it doesn't compare. I don't know what it is with me reading book's that are movies lately? Angels and Demons, The Time Traveler's Wife, Julie and Julia. Maybe it's something about the thought that not only can I imagine it the way I want to, but then I get to see how someone else imagined it. Not sure, but they are all really good books.

Today we woke up around 9, ate a quick breakfast, then headed out to haul hay. Well the boys hauled hay I went on a walk... Shane said that he doesn't think it was 6 miles but it had to be somewhere close to that. When they started hauling I left with the dogs and walked all around the pasture over 5 hills and it had to be about an hour and a half. I don't know about Shane but there's no way that in that amount of time I walked any less than close to 6 miles. I should've brought my camera, but it also reminded me of my jealousy of Cameo's walks. Everywhere she goes there's pictures of something new and that is like that sometimes here... but not quite the same. Maybe I just need to take more time out of my walks and such to see the beauty in them. When I got home I realized I'd eaten about one pop tart since 9:30 and didn't feel well at all. So I slept for a long time after eating some of my pulled pork from last night. I am now finally up and was glad for the fun but restfull weekend!!

It's a girl!!!

So today we went to my sister's doctor appointment to find out if the baby was a girl or boy. We all thought it was a boy we were just convinced mostly because my sister wanted a girl so bad. But today we found out it's a girl!!! Woot!!! My sister cried cuz she was so excited and everyone jumped up and down! We were all in amazement! We were just set it was a boy but no it was a girl!!! So exciting... we are now getting ready to have a suprise congratulations you're having a girl party! Although she's kinda grumpy but I bet that'll change when all her friends get here. I know this is a fairly short one but it's exciting! So that's about all :)

Right before we found out Tayian was a girl!!! Woot!!! We were all so excited!

Tayian's profile picture!!

Lindsey's first girl official girl outfits!!!!

Lindsey and Megan started crying when Lindsey said her favorite part will be playing with dolls and barbies (Megan grew up next door to us and they used to always push their dolls around the block in strollers!)

TADA!!! Soap in the eye!

So we all know I'm blonder than blonde and tonight I learned a very valuable lesson!! NEVER and I mean NEVER!!! look at the soap pump as you're twisting it the opposite direction to open it! If the soap has some pressure it will squirt out upon finally popping open and squirt you with WAY too much soap in your eye! I had to call Shane into the bathroom to help me wash it out because I couldn't open it and I'm sure it looked like I had rabies in my eye there was so much soap! Shane filled the sink with water and I had to put my face in there and look around to wash it out which hurt because water as we know suds up soap but he kept saying put your face back in you have to get it out. Then he came in the bathroom with a shot glass full of cold water and put a shot of cold water in my eye then filled it with saline. He said it was pretty red and dry so I have to blink a lot, I've been blinking for about half an hour and it still hurts but it is getting a little more moist.

Hm... aside from that I have some interesting stuff to talk about. Well not interesting but I guess just an update on life. So Cameo called me a couple days ago to tell me that Mark has to go to the Republic of Georgia for 3 months so she will be here the whole time so she isn't miserable all alone in Cali. I'm excited but sucks also cuz I wouldn't want to spend 3 FULL months away from Shane :( so that has to suck for her at the same time, at least she'll be in good company and I have to be selfish and say WOOHOOO my best friend is coming home!

So today I went for a run and then went out to Shane's parents house where his mom and I picked all the cherries off their 7 or more cherry bushes. We then attempted to pit them which was a HUGE adventure. We ended up with a full bucket of cherries plus a strainer. While she put together this old thing that is supposed to pit and mash the cherries for us I washed about a thousand little cherries. Then we put them in the masher pitter only to find out you cant put a lot in at a time or it wont work and that the little masher is too small for the pits to get out and sometimes the pressure with shoot them out (haha kinda like the soap in the eye) so there were cherry pits all over her kitchen! They would shoot clear across the kitchen, there were streaks and stuff on the walls and stuff it was hilarious!

There's a lady bug in my cherry bucket!!! Can you find him?!

I also threw Shane a surprise birthday dinner Friday at Winger's on Friday. It was so cool I had about 20 people show up and he was totally suprised! He later told me he really appreciated it and it showed my love :) He also told me he's never been suprised which I could tell and that he's hard to suprise and that he hasn't spent his birthday with anyone but his parents since he was a kid. It was cool that I could do that for him and that he was so appreciative and happy about it.

Well that's about all for today... getting tired and time to prepare for the 40 hour plus work week!

School...

I seem to write about school a lot when I'm in school. School starts on the 24th (25th for me because I only have classes Tuesdays and Thursdays) and I'm already starting to study. I just feel the need to be ahead rather than behind all the time, plus I hate reading school books so I'm trying to get it over with as fast as possible! Honestly I have this love hate relationship with school, I hate it when I'm in it but I just want to be in it when I'm not and I keep extending my time in school with the directions I want to go.
Well after all the complaining and bitching and moaning about school by the end of the semester it always comes back to me that what I did was amazing. I honestly thought it wasn't that hard to keep good grades and that there's all sorts of students on the Dean's List and that having at 3.5 or above was just something that happened. However, I've come to learn that's not true. People aren't like me about school, constantly dedicated and wanting to do better non stop... so on and so forth. Starting early (really who does that lol)!? Well the end of semester last year came and I was excited to see that as nervous as I was about school I was on the Dean's List again 3rd semester in a row (the only one I didn't get was my first ever semester I wasn't really sure how to navigate and got a 2.8). Well that was awfully exciting for me but the real exciting news came today.
Once again I got a million things from UW ranging from bills to parking ticket notices... blah blah blah. Then there was one more... I opened the letter and it read "Congratulations! Your excellent academic record places you among the most academically distinguished Arts and Sciences students. You will be personally recognized at the annual Keith and Thyra Thomson Honors Convocation on Friday Oct. 9th, the ceremony will begin at 2:30."
At first I was like, well shoot that's my birthday weekend and we're planning to leave town... oh well. So I called my mom and she said absolutely not we are goint to the honors ceremony! She said this doesn't happen all the time and that it's a HUGE accomplishment to get this recognition it doesn't just happen for everyone! So of course I got excited and emailed them to RSVP right away. I guess I just always stress so much that I'm not doing good enough in my own eyes when in everyone else's eyes I'm doing amazing!

Short Post

I'm just posting a short one today because I'm not sure what to say I said a lot yesterday so not a whole lot now. I got a killer headache yesterday that lastest from 3p.m. til about 10 this morning, it totally sucked and made for a drag of a night! I went to work today which really wasn't all that interesting, I alphabetized a book (well continued to anyway) and did some dishes kinda boring! Other than that I haven't done much today. I'm getting ready to start on the baby room and put together the crib with talon which should be an adventure it's a HUGE crib lol! That's about all for today, off I go!

Slacker!!!

Wow! I've been slacking for almost one full month and I have lots of updates! Let's start with some awesome baby news! In a week from tomorrow I will know if I'm going to have a niece or a nephew! So exciting not that really it matters either way but still it's exciting to know what my sister is growing in there! I also went to one of her baby appointments last week and got to hear the baby's heart beat, it made it so real and amazing! She's 19 weeks on Wednesday and so it's getting closer and closer, according to her baby site she's 150 days away... from Cameo's wedding countdown I've realized that goes a lot faster than expected!!!

Next bit of exciting news, my sister is coming on September 3rd, I'd love to go pick her up but unfortunately I have my night class on Thursdays :( so she will be here for 5 days so until the 8th. THEN only 9 days after she leaves and goes back I fly out with my best friend's mom, brother, and dad to see her in Cali for a long weekend! I'm so excited for that too!!!! Hopefully, Cameo will fly back with us the 20th and stay for a couple weeks if not a whole month.

On the 3rd of Oct. I am doing a boudoir photo shoot. For those of you who don't know what boudoir is, it's like a sexy bedroom shoot where you get to showcase yourself. Here's a little bit more info on it from Steph's site! http://ardentboudoir.showitsite.com/#/faq/. Shane keeps asking me why I'm doing it and truthfully while I'd like him to see me that way it's more for me than him. It's all about the confidence. I was so into it I even convinced Cameo to do it while she's here too :)

Of course there's even more going on that week since it's my 21st birthday that week!!! ONLY 2 MONTHS LEFT!!!!!! The 6th (which is the day before my birthday) I'm having a slumber party which is a passion party only I feel like it's more tasteful and personal (and less expensive)! Then my birthday is the 7th :) Not sure yet what I'm going to do but probably not too much since it's the middle of the week, Shane says we have to go out and get my free drinks from places. I can drone through class the next day no problem. Then that weekend hopefully starting the 9th after my mom and I get off work we'll go down to either Denver or FoCo and have the real party which I'm very excited about! I'll invite the Ya-Ya's and the Junior/Yaya's in Training as well! Cameo will be down that week and Jocelyn is coming to also celebrate her 21st since Lance was baking during her 21st.

During this whole exciting month, time will be passing by while Lindsey bakes Little Glover. Hopefully this week we can finally get the room put together... all the stuff is just piled up in there all crazy like and it needs to be put together.

Last bit of awesomeness. About a month ago I did my FAFSA for the first time ever. Ugh I should've been doing it this whole time retard me yeahp! So I did it and have 3000 in grant money! WOOT WOOT!!! My credit cards with be paid off as of september and that is the most awesome thing ever (well money wise not life wise)! And Thursday I will officially be using a new 13 inch Dell Inspiron that my wonderful mom bought me. Ah, life is good! For a minute I needed to remember that :)

Empathy

empathy... the ability to sense and understand someone else's feelings as if they were one's own [Greek empatheia affection, passion]

I don't understand why I am such am empathetic person? Especially toward my family!!! I swear when one of them hurts I hurt and I can actually feel it in my heart :( I have oodles of empathy for my sister right now. I know deep down she has to be hurting over the fact that some people just aren't supportive of her. I know either way she'll be ok but it can't be easy!

I keep thinking my dad will pull out of this little mess he has going on in his head about my sister but he's not. He has taken everything so much to heart when really you should never take what a 16 year old says to heart. He gets frustrated when he doesn't see or hear from her but I don't know what 16 year old what's to talk to their parents. I told my dad that but still he's all butt hurt about everything. He says to me today that he's not going to check her baby site because she should be calling him. I'm afraid he's ruining their relationship because he can't see that she's a teenager. My heart is literally aching over all of this and I have no clue what to do anymore. I kinda just feel like I have to step back and say if you guys can't work it out I can't sit here and try to make you.

Maybe everything will be just fine... I just need to not let it stress me out. Thank goodness for Piloga tomorrow!

Jubilee Days!!

Hmm... fire in the sky, street dances, carnival, rodeos... where to begin?! Oh wait!!! I haven't hardly done any of it! I can't believe myself sometimes. I have to wonder why I was born here and why I'm still here from time to time (only when I think of the Carnies and Rodeo). I have never been to a rodeo with someone who knew what they were talking about... therefore, I have no clue what's actually going on at the rodeo and pretty much just go to socalize. I've come to realize you shouldn't pay to socialize. Carnies kinda freak me out and the carnival here kinda sucks minus the tigers that I haven't even seen yet cuz when I went he had a mountain lion (woopdedoo buddy I see those in the mountains all the time). Sorry to be such a negative nancy I was just really bummed I missed the tigers!! As for fire in the sky once again I can't pay to socialize and I don't really know who Eric Church or the Lost Trailers are?! Someone wanna help me with that one, Chelsea and Taylie tried but I don't really remember. And the street dances!!! COME ONE DUDE!!?!??!?! Honestly maybe when I'm older and people have grown outta there high school drama and cattiness I will enjoy those. I went last night but it wasn't much fun and aside from Samantha, Sam, Luke, and Frank there wasn't really anyone I don't see on a regular basis thanks to Passow living with us now. I don't know my boss seems to enjoy all that stuff but she's older so that makes more sense for her, maybe it'll be cooler next year when I can drink and kinda just chill instead of awkwardly stand there and see who's coming by to fakely talk to me next.

I don't know what it is with me and that fact that Jubilee Days doesn't really impress me anymore? Last night at the street dances I realized everyone was getting much younger and stupider. Not sure what it is with kids these days but they're kinda dumb. After much begging and pleading Kinley and I finally got Josh and Shane to leave. From there we walked to Loaf N' Jug for some donuts because Daylight Donuts smelled so good but was closed. After that we kinda just hung out then went to bed. The nice thing about Jubilee Days is it seems theres A LOT more people around downtown so while today at work was boring because no one really came in there were a lot of people who stopped and talked to me. I was sitting outside crocheting the blanket I'm making for my sister. The younger people or even those my age just gave me weird looks but all the older people told me how beautiful it was. I think they appreciated that someone young was doing an old persons activity I admit it's old but I enjoy it.

Off the Jubilee Days stint... I am getting so much better at Piloga and I love it. It's getting easier and I'm less sore the next day so as Lisa says we must be getting stronger. Plus I don't know if I'm losing weight because I gave up on the scale but I feel SO SO SO much better about myself now :) Like my pants aren't all tight and I am not self concious about my love handles (as much anymore). Well that's about all... can't say there's much else to talk about.

OH OH no I lied. I went over to Taylie's house the other day and we had a fun time!!! We just drank beer and hung out then I went home and they went to the street dances. Sorry Tay Hope that I didn't wanna go with you... maybe now you'll understand why lol. I love that Taylie is back it's totally AWESOME!!! I missed her so much while she was gone and I'm so happy we got to stay close the whole time she was gone too! It takes a true friendship to be able to do that.

Lots to talk about...

So as most would probably expect, blogs about teenage pregnancy doesn't just come from anywhere. My sister is 16 and pregnant. After much thought and going back and forth about a thousand times, my sister chose to keep her baby. It was definitely a hard choice for her and I am behind her every step of the way. Since the decision we have been in full baby mode. We have already bought (when I say we I mean my mom) a bassinet, car seat stroller combo, play pen, Moby wrap, and many other small things. I bought my sister some bottles and crib sheets, we're trying to stick to necessities. We've also receieved some great things from Jocey (newborn car seat, bouncer, bath tub, and newborn diapers). This definitely won't be an easy thing but we will do just fine and I think my sister will be a great mom.

Yesterday we cleaned out Jordyne's old room and painted in a nice calming green. Talon was awesome about painting and hauling things out. It was best when he turned around after about an hour of painting and said "this was fun, now it just sucks." Ha ha... I couldn't believe we got the ENTIRE thing done in one day! Now we just need to get the exercise room clean so that Shane can steam both the carpets at once. I'm not going to lie it's a tough time and not an ideal age but I'm pretty excited. I know everything will work out and be fine no matter what. I do get worried about things like paying for him/her and if Talon will really stick around cuz they're so young but I feel I have to push those things to the back of my mind. We have to make the best of it and when complications come along we deal with them then.

My Dad has been having a really hard time with all of this! I don't blame him it's got to be about ten times harder for dad's but I know it will all be ok with him too. I finally talked to him after giving him some space. He said he is just having a harder time getting excited because he's so worried, no dad wants this for his teenage daughter. I told him either way it's going to be his grandbaby and that everyone will work it out but we can do much else. He's getting better. It really made me happy this morning when Mama Lani told him she heard the good news and congratulations. He said he's just really worried and it's going to hold Lindsey back from a lot so Lani said "yeah but life continues after that... your gaut complicates things and so did my cancer but we get back in there." Gotta say she was awesome for that and I still love Mama Lani VERY much!!!

I'm still going to Piloga now twice a week instead of just once. My body is getting less sore so I must be getting better at it and stronger. I absolutely love it! It gets me together and keeps my sanity I'm pretty sure. I love how much it relieves my stress I swear I figure it out for myself then something like my sister getting pregnant happens. Not that her being pregnant is bad it's just nerve wrecking and I stress a lot. Although it's less stressful than when she was deciding and I couldn't sleep. All is well now and I know everything will work out!

Teenage Pregnancy

I'm becoming to find with more and more people around me who get pregnant that in some way or another they are looked down upon if they of a certain age or don't have a dad to go with the baby. How come in my life right now if I were to get pregnant it would be a happy thing to everyone (even though I'm totally not ready and still young) but if a girl who is 18 or even younger gets pregnant it's like the end of the world? In a town like this everyone will know very quickly if that girl got pregnant and what she did. It seems no matter what choice she makes, (keep the baby, get an abortion, put him or her up for adoption) she will always be shunned. People will hate her for being a teenage mom but still trying to live her life, then people will hate her for getting an abortion because it's so "wrong." But why are we the ones that get to choose for her? Why is it that those who should be most important to her push her away for not making the decision that we all wanted her to make? The fact is, it's not our choice and instead of telling her she's a "fuck up" because we don't like her choice, we should being telling her "I love you always no matter what." We should hear her out no matter how selfish we think her reasons are because we are not the ones having the baby. We can say "I'll help you in any way possible" but in the end it's her who needs to decide what to do.

Now this girl decides to get an abortion because she feels like she can't do it and she's not ready and if she were only a year older she could handle it. We all try our best to support her but then tell her she should've made this decision sooner. Truthfully though, what difference does it make if the baby looks like a sea monkey or a tadpole? As Shane put it, it's easier to shot the fish. Either way though we killed something with a heart and now whomever has to live with that. So it's easier to eat the fish but if we step on the frog we feel bad but either way we killed it. Why is that? And why is it that no matter what decision the "mom" makes we still judge her in some way? All I know, is that with all my friends who have babies, are pregnant, or have decided they aren't ready, they all made the right choice for themselves and I have no say in how she decides. Even if I don't agree, I can tell her it scares me but I'm not her and what would I do if I was in that situation. I couldn't tell you what I would do because sure I've had pregnancy scares but I've never actually had to go past the scare. I can only hope to God when I'm in that situation (if I ever am, pregnancy is God's Will) that people support me no matter what.

Just something that prompted my opinion!

Michael Jackson: The Death of Peter Pan <~~~ kinda long but you should read it!

I read this article today because my mom sent it to me. I feel it really explains how I feel about Michael Jackson. I agree that a lot of the things he did were obscene and wrong, but can't we just leave the guy alone. I would like to see anyone else grow up like he did with no space EVER to himself and always being in the spotlight no matter what step he took and be even half as talented as he was. At some point we need to learn to forgive everyone and realize everyone make mistakes. Some people know that they make mistakes and don't care, but I feel like MJ honestly had a problem he couldn't get past and as a Psychology major I have to be sympathetic to that. I think now I may understand the whole idea that God forgives everyone no matter what sin they commited. I may not forget what MJ did (not that I cared I honestly don't know many of the details, it's a story I did not follow), but we all must look past that and realize that this man was an icon and that people loved him and there really are some out there who's lives he changed (in a positive way).

And why is it that now that he's dead people can so openly bash him!? Because there's no one to defend him now, so these people feel that they can say whatever they want? I'm sorry, but say as you please, God still knows what you're saying and you're no better than anyone else for being so judgemental. Then I have to wonder if these people who are talking so much crap have ever been around someone who is mentally instable. People I've decided are just rude, not understanding, and VERY judgemental! Well not all people, but I really like the end of this article when he says "Why must our stars fall so spectacularly and fail us so egregiously? Perhaps it's because we want them to. Indeed, it may be the primary function of celebrities like Jackson to show us, in their early radiance, what we could dream of being — and in the murk of their decline, what we fear we could become."

I have to say this is the most brilliantly written article I've read in a long time and I commend the author for his opinion and the courage in such a time of "MJ smack talking" to come out with this!

Ok and now the real deal!

So I just had to do that survey thing cuz it seemed fun ;)

Yesterday I had a shoe party and I really appreciate everyone that came. I think I counted 16 people there it was so so so much fun. It was the first time I've really ever hosted something to the point that I made food and everything. I'm pretty sure almost everyone bought shoes helping me earn 4 free pairs of shoes!!! I now have 7 pairs of shoes from My Shoe Shoppe. Oh I love those shoes, I think I'm slightly obsessed. It's a darn good thing I'm broke so I can't afford anything so I don't buy anything. Such as the Miche bags that I am in love with at work. They're those cool bags that you have shells for then you can just switch them out. I could get it for 20% off but I still just can't justify it when I already have 2 purses. My anniversary with Shane is coming up (5 years!) but I've already told him a million things I want (bra (haha I need a new one DESPERATELY!), watch, fishing pole, now a purse). Oh boy I'm on a roll...

I have to say I really appreciate Lisa and Rachel for coming to my shoe party and realizing that it doesn't matter if it was at my mom's. I'm so glad that some people (although it's not many) in my family can look past the crap between my mom and my dad's side of the family and realize that it's not a big deal. My boss asked me last night what would happen when I get married and Rachel said "eh they'll get over it." I love her for that :)

Now totally off topic, I just have to say it because I can't get it out of my mind. How come every girl seems to have that one creeper guy (ex or not) that just can't get over it? I have a really bad one. As everyone knows Shane and I broke up for a bit and I dated Booker. Oh my, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! First of all he's not my type nor is he attractive. I'm starting to think, as mean as it is, that I did it because I knew when Shane came back around I could let it go easily. Not that we actually dated because Booker is one of those guys who thinks that being a jerk to girls will keep them around. I also think that made is easier to drop him when Shane came around. It has been over a year and a half since Shane and I got back together and I stopped talking to Booker yet in his mind he thinks that he still needs to call me or text me. Shane said I should just be civil so I was until recently.

On my way to Portland he started some creeper memory lane thing with me that was totally inappropriate and I'm not going to lie. I lost all control and flipped out at him. I told him to expect this to be the last time he hears from me and that I was happy and he was nothing but a filler when I was with him. I know that was REALLY mean but I had to do it! He didn't talk to me for almost a month then on Saturday I got a call at 4 in the morning. I of course ignored it I usually ignore my phone at that time unless it seems to be important but it being him only pissed me off. In the morning I listened to the voicemail of him going on and on about getting beat up and it was the first fight he lost and he really needed help cuz he was bleeding and couldn't breath. Last thing he said was and I got stabbed... twice. OH MY GOSH!!! and that's an oh my gosh in the I busted up laughing way. I didn't feel bad at all cuz I knew it was just a ploy to see if I would talk to him. I told Shane about the message and he just laughed and said if he was stabbed he would start with "I was stabbed" and call the police not a girl. Aye, Aye, Aye! That's all I can say. I keep thinking this will go away but I know it won't, my mom said she still has a stalker guy from high school who recently tried to find her on facebook.

I guess I'm in a lifetime of creeperness for my bad decision.

Shane (stole this from Tay it looked fun)

1. he's sitting in front of the tv, what is on the screen?: cartoons or George Lopez, or Home Improvement
2. you're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?: ranch
3. what's one food he doesn't like?: my mom's enchiladas
4. you go out to eat and have a drink. what does he get?: coors light with clam (that's clamada)
5. where did he go to high school?: Laramie High.
6. what size shoe does he wear?: i bought him shoes once... don't remember though
7. if he was to collect anything, what would it be?: he collects cool coins
8. what is his favorite type of sandwich?: any as long as it has LOTS of meat!
9. what would he eat every day if he could?: hm... hard boiled eggs!
10. what is his favorite cereal?: The healthy stuff... or Marshmellow Mateys
11. what would he never wear?: a tux (haha) he did once for my work
12. what is his favorite sports team?: Broncos.
13. who did he vote for?: he didn't vote
14. who is his best friend?: His sister or Josh
15. what is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?: spend money
16. what is his heritage?: American (no joke that's what he tells me)
17. you bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?: none, he doesn't like cake, so I'd make him pie or cheesecake
18. did he play sports in high school?: wrestling and football but not while I knew him
19. what could he spend hours doing?: playing video games or building things
20. what is one unique talent he has?: he knows the solution to every "mr. fix it" scenario, I swear he can fix ANYTHING
21. one thing he wants to change about himself?: to have a "real" job
22. can he cook?: oh boy can he!!!
23. what was the last thing you guys did together that he planned?: umm... we don't really plan anymore (actually we never really did) we just do
24. how many brothers and/or sisters does he have? Kevin and Crystal
25. what are his parents' names?: Jerry and Jackie

Piloga and Anongs!

So a couple weeks ago my cousin decided we should do Piloga together. Piloga is a mix between yoga and pilates. I honestly didn't know what to expect on tonight on our first adventure there. Being the silly kids we are we decided to not walk there because we thought we might end up late and we were 20 minutes early. We went early just in case, we had never been there before and weren't so sure what the deal was. The class ended up started right on time and there was a class before us so we couldn't go in right away anyway. So we could've walked.

I learned today that yoga and pilates are HARD!! It requires A LOT of balance and strength that I was not expecting whatsoever. Our instructor Ayrin (I believe that was her name) was awesome. She'd give us two options and tell us which was harder. Of course we all would try the harder of the two and realize that it was REALLY hard. Thankfully all the girls but one were new so we all had a challenge. I thought since I was on the dance team that I'd be pretty good at it, however, I learned that balancing on one foot while all tangled up is much harder than it looks. There were times I had to hold it in for all I was worth not to laugh because I'd mess up so bad it was just funny. I really enjoyed it though and we decided it would be worth it to pay the $35 to go twice a week instead of 20 for once a week.

After the class Lisa said she had been craving Anong's (this amazing thai restaurant) all day and wanted to go. So we went to Anong's and although we didn't want to get our usual and scowered the menu for something different we both ended up with our usual Spicy Steak or Shrimp Salad. The night was definitely a good one and now I can't wait til next Wednesday!!!

Been trying forever!!!

Everytime I try to post the site won't work, drives me nuts but here I am and I'm through!!! I just had to get on here and say how much I love my life right now!!! I've found a way (not totally sure how) to just make everything totally stress free. My roommates have turned and are suddenly all nice. I'm somewhat confused by that since Steph and Brian are engaged. I figured because of that Rory would be pretty grumpy lately. We've got this whole new yard which is awesome and everything!!!! And now that the sun seems to be coming out sometimes, the dogs and I go on walks everyday.

Along with all of that Shane's been totally different in a good way. He just does certain things that are so different from what he usually did. I don't even know how to explain it. He texts me everyday just to say Hi and see what I'm doing. He finds things to do and waits to do things if he knows I might enjoy it too. I can't lie I love it! Maybe it's just the maturing thing and the fact that he's older.

I guess there's not much else to talk about. I'm just excited that it's finally sunny out again!

And here it comes...

I've watched Cameo count down the days for her wedding for over 150 days now and today is now the day after her wedding. The day went wonderfully despite some flaws with not enough food and the fact that her hair took me more than an hour than usual. Otherwise it was beautiful and she was so happy. Even Mark was thrilled and I've never seen him smile that much. This morning we went to her parent's house to open gifts and eat breakfast. The morning was great and lots of her family came to visit this morning too.

I finally left around 1:30 then it hit me, Jocelyn is gone and in just 5 days Cameo will be leaving too. BOOM!!! There goes by friends... I'm trying to make new ones but it's just so hard. I have Taylie and Chelsea but that scares me too. I know when school starts and dance starts that we will probably grow apart too.

Not sure why but it just hit me and I'm feeling a little down now today!

Back Home

So I've been back home for about 3 days now and honestly as much as I loved hanging with my sister in Portland I've gotta say that home is where the heart is. I got home from Denver at 3a.m. and Shane woke me up to the best homecoming gift ever, better than flowers or anything!!! He woke me up at 7 took me outside with my eyes closed. To my surprise when I opened my eyes there was grass!!!! We haven't had grass in our yard for 3 years and I thought they were just seeding it! I was so excited however on only 4 hours of sleep I couldn't really show my excitement! I'm so excited for it to set and actually be able to hang out in my bathing suit and tan in my backyard!!! Now all I need is some sun!

Now we're in for a busy weekend full of building the dog run and deck. I also have a bridal shower and a dance recital to attend on Saturday. To finish the weekend with a bang I'll be going to the lake on Monday for Memorial Day. And for another piece of good news, Jocelyn had Lance Tuesday and he's so so cute! I got his blanket done and now just got to find time to visit them. So far it's been a pretty good homecoming!

Thursday

Ok so I'm fully aware that it is now Sunday and I'm talking about Thursday... I think I'm finally ready to talk about it.
So first off it was my sisters birthday so we slept in and decided to relax in the morning. We were just kinda hanging out watching a movie and eating breakfast then in comes Alex's mom. She came in acting all sweet and asked if they could talk about what was going on between Jordyne and Alex. I'm really not sure what was going on with them just that they fight a lot. Well her mom started in on Jordyne about Lucy and how Lucy needs to be taken care of more. City is so much different than home, you actually have to take the dog out for a walk and all that stuff you don't just get to let them hang in the yard. Ultimately it became an attack on Jordyne and Laurie pretty much said Jordyne was a bad dog owner. I kept my mouth shut through most of this but then decided no more. I finally stepped in and said that I felt she could find a better way to talk about it and that calling Jordyne a bad dog owner was not fair or ok. She said that Jordyne was a bad dog owner and continued so I said no she's not... stupid stuff ya know.

THEN...
Laurie got up in my face and told me I was a loser just like my sister and my family was losers and all sorts of stuff like that. She pushed herself into Jordyne's room to continue to yell at us and I kept my cool the whole time politely asking her to stop and leave Jordyne's room because it wasn't her area... so she said yeah you're right and went to the living room to continue to yell at Jordyne and yell at her towering over her while she tried to get Lucy's leash on. When I politely said Laurie I'm going to have to ask you to stop she looked at me and said fuck off... THIS LADY IS 51 YEARS OLD!!!!!

We left for about half an hour, came home and I showered and began to get ready. Then Laurie came and apologized to both of us. Neither of us really said anything but we took it and she began talking to us like she wanted to know what our lives were about... that didn't last long.

She came back out and started everything all over again. This time it was worse... calling our family white trash and telling us we were worthless and Jordyne wasn't going to get anywhere. It ended with me calling her a rich bitch. I know I shouldn't have but I broke, I was sick of being put down!

I guess to her I'm worthless and no one cares about me and I mean nothing here... but to lots of people I'm huge, to lots of people I'm all they got. She's just crazy and whatever

On a good note I made Dean's List again and finished the semester with a 3.5~!

Time for a Play by Play!

So I leave Portland Monday evening but figured I would give a good update before I forget... I got here late Monday night but that wasn't so eventful so we'll start on Tuesday.

Tuesday...
I woke up pretty early oddly enough I have been all week and it's annoying but whatever. We got ready and headed downtown to do some shopping. I found some way cool water bottles for my mom and I at this yoga store that charged way too much for a pair of yoga pants. We continued to shop around then came home later and made s'mores brownies before heading to her friend's house who were making me dinner. The night was fun, we had chicken kabobs and fried rice then all just sat around talking which was lots of fun!

Wednesday...
Wednesday it poured rain all day but that didn't damper our plans. The damper was the fact that I had some weird stomach flu that pissed me off more than anything! We still got up and went to Zumiez and Victoria Secret cuz that's what we planned. I got a YakPak and a new swimsuit then we went back home cuz I wasn't feeling well and she had to go to work at 4. Unfortunately, I slept pretty much the rest of the day but when Jordyne got off we went to meet her friend Josh and went to a movie and VooDoo Donuts. We went to see Ghost of Girlfriend's Past and it was alright. We went back home and after diliberating with my stomach over whether or not to through up I went to bed. (didn't throw up either).

Thursday...
Maybe I should make a whole new post for Thursday and just skip it for now... ok so on to...

Friday...
We were supposed to go to the coast today but decided to go to the Japanese Gardens instead... we woke up a little later got ready for the day and headed to downtown. We got lost so decided to eat lunch at the Portland Grill instead at least for a bit. The grill is 30 stories up in a building next to the river, we sat at a table next to a window that overlooked one the the mountains which I will never remember the name of... after eating mom gave us directions to the Japanese Gardens and we finally headed over there. It was awesome and so pretty there. After that we went to her friend Brittany's house and watched the finale of Grey's Anatomy. Sad sad sad... then we went to the boy's house and each made something different for our smorgis (sp?) board of dinners! I made fajitas, Karen made Jambalaya, and Brittany made Pork Chops... unfortunately we were all exhausted!!!

Saturday (oh yes that's today)...
Today we got up WAY late and quickly headed to the coast so we could hopefully make it there and get back in time for her to work too! The drive was beautiful. Unfortunately my camera got left on the table and all I had was my dying cell phone :( We got the the coast though and found two almost full sand dollars and two open clams so it was worth it and I got a couple pictures from the coast. We got back around 4 after Jordyne got pulled over for a speeding and got a ticket which totally sucked!!! And now I am here just chilling!

So that's my update so far, I have a day and a half left of hanging out here then back to home. It's been a long long week so far but mostly fun... which will lead me to a new blog.

Oh me oh my!

I feel as if I have been slacking really bad on this! Maybe because I have... Finals week turned out to be not so bad... out of 4 classes I only had 2 real finals during this past week. One was on Monday the other today (Friday). That's a long time between therefore I had lots of time to study... haha that didn't really happen. I took my last final today and feel that it went fairly well... I'm hoping it's an A so that I get an A in stat cuz that would be awesome!

Along with finals week I managed to get my nails done, visit my grandma twice, and stuff wedding invitations for Cameo. As well as working almost 40 hours. I'm proud of myself actually feel accomplished yet relaxed at the same time. I get to leave Monday night for Portland and I'm REALLY looking forward to it! For one full week I won't have anything to do and lots of time to just relax.

Hm... not much else to say... it's kinda been the same thing over and over. I really need to find stuff to do other than work and school. Now that school's done though there's a much better chance for that! So excited for summer!!!! If I didn't have to work tonight a celebration would be under way!

Keys of Communication...

Please let me preface this by saying if you think you may be offended by the talk of sex please just skip over this blog, but it's a pretty big one.

For a couple weeks (ok maybe close to a month now), I've been feeling extremely disconnected from Shane. There were a couple reasons to why I was feeling this way but Monday it just all came together. I know I've said before that by playing his video games with him it helps the connection. However, the video game idea only lasted so long as we'd play together and half way through he'd leave to go play with his guild friends. If you don't understand "guild friends" let me quickly explain. A guild in his game is a group of people who play together to get the important parts of the game finished in a relative time frame and usually on set days (Tuesday and Thursday). One huge detail about guilds is that they are people from all over some friends some not. Shane on the other hand has found a way to make all of these people, whom he only knows from the game then adding them on facebook, into his "real" friends. This includes never leaving the house with the boys or me and turning down every sort of plan we may come up with. Their Tuesday/Thursday raids have turned into daily activities lasting at least two hours on the game.

Well then other things in our relationship began dwindling aside from him spending time with me. I'd just sit in the room while he played his game mostly ignored while he talked to his "friends" and the stupid chat is always on in our room so it was like never being alone and having 50 voices talk to you but not seeing their faces. Along with that sex totally bombed in our relationship. He used to be all about it while I was stuck in that point of girlhood where you aren't sure if you should do it even if it's just with one guy because you feel like you'll still be judged. It was an awkward time all I'd do was make some excuse about God when it wasn't that it was just me not wanting to be seen as a slut. Now I've come to realize that when you aren't having sex when you have before you lose that physical connection and something just seems wrong. It's like well if he's not doing it with me what is he doing?

The lack of time and lack of sex that used to be so important to him only lead me to think in one direction... he must be cheating?! BUT WHEN?! He never leaves the house so how in the world would he be cheating. Well he spends lots of time on that game he must be cheating with one of them right... oh how odd it all ends up. The things we muster up in our little heads, our imaginations fly. And boy did my imagination fly! I finally burst and couldn't hold it in anymore. I talked to Rory first and started crying to Rory. I kinda felt like an idiot but it helped and Rory told me I needed to tell Shane everything I'd told him... so the story goes...

I got home from work and immediately sat down and said we need to talk... I knew he'd get defensive and mad. So all day I continued to convince myself it wasn't my fault as well as come up with everything I could to back myself up. I just came out with it everything I said earlier about him not having sex with me anymore and spending so much time on his game. I told him he needed human interaction and it wasn't like me to just sit around. The thing that really came out strong though was when I told him that in a month all my friends are leaving and it was scary and hard for me to know that in a month I'd have no one but my mom... I told him he had to be there for me and fill that void of friends because you don't just go out and suddenly meet those close friends.

After some diliberations and me telling him that I used to think we'd be together forever but now I wonder because I know I can't live how we are forever. We finally got it all figured out... he came out with the fact that he is bored of the games but doesn't know what else to do. So I told him when me or the boys suggest something to just go do it instead of coming up with an excuse or saying well I don't think I'll like that... How do you know if you'll like something if you don't try!? I don't understand that. I told him he's too busy pleasing his parents or virtual friends that he's let go of the real ones like Rory and Josh and Me. I told him if it didn't change I couldn't stay and he needed to stop feeling guilty about saying no to his parents and virtual friends but not the people who truly matter (aside from his parents but he also needs to realize he's not obligated to his parents nor are his parents obligated to him). Rory and Josh may stay around even if he says no all the time, but I won't. I'm different than a buddy, it's a give and take thing and if he's not giving as well I can't do it.

He understood and was actually in an awesome mood for the rest of the night... I know he says he'll fix it but the trick now is will it really change? I'm still real nervous about the situation because if it doesn't change I'm leaving and that scares me because despite it all I still love him VERY much!

Bad Weather Turned to Good Mood and Being a Part of It

Today I woke up in dimay over yet another blizzard. You'd think after so long of non stop snow throughout my life and extremely short summers that I'd be used to this. However, everytime I wake up to 8 inches of snow and snow still coming down it puts me in a mood to just know that I still have to go out in it anyway. God forbid Laramie cancel anything when it's dangerous to have high school students and people who's cars are covered in snow out driving. After checking email, the news, and my mom's knowledge I found school still wasn't canceled and began my journey.

My car decided it was too cold to start and wouldn't have gotten over the mound of hard snow the city created anyway (Shane says I probably locked my wheel and my ignition wasn't frozen). Last night Shane told me I could take his car, so I started it hoping it would warm. However, I forgot that his truck doesn't get warm unless moving and none of the snow on it melted. It then took me 10 minutes to get the snow off his truck because it's too tall for me to reach the center of the windshield and I was slipping and sliding EVERYWHERE!!!! I finally got to class just on time to be given the worst retake exam of my life!!!!! Open book doesn't count when I can't freaking find the answers! I've never been so mad at a professor in my life and being soaking wet probably didn't help the situation. After much frustration I decided I was finished with school for the day and went home.

Got home and decided that my house and boyfriend were much better than being outside in the snow. Shane made it better by taking me to work. So now here I am in the warm shop waiting for the day to be over... Needless to say I have an awesome boyfriend and have gotten into a much better mood!!

Add on from yesterday. While at work I got a call from a kid in California who needs a tux for a Cathedral Home reunion. I talked him through everything then told him I could order it all over the phone and all would be well. I asked for his name and told him I'd call him with some more details today! When he told me his name it clicked that I knew this boy from when I worked at LYCC. He quickly realized who I was as well and got all excited to tell me what he's been doing. He said he's going to school and getting ready to start football. He seemed so happy to have a familiar voice to talk to. The situation made my day to realize that I was part of that. I was part of him coming out on top and being able to overcome his problems.

I don't think I could ever work as a Social Worker and do all that again because it is really hard the things you hear and see. It's a big reality shock to know that those horror stories you hear on the news really do happen to kids that are closer than you think. I never saw much of a reward in it, but now that these kids are growing up and I'm hearing how much they've changed the reward has come. It's awesome to know that you helped someone who was at the point in their life where they had no one else left or just didn't seem like they were going to change.

My Best Friend

I met my best friend long long ago when I was just a baby so meeting her is really nothing special there was no ahha moment it just happened that way. We grew up together until about 8th grade mostly fighting and competeing at who was better. When I was 5 I was pissed that Mo could ride a bike and I couldn't so I taught myself... around the same time I was mad I couldn't write my ABC's and she could so I locked myself in my room with a magnadoodle and some books and also taught myself those.

In about 6th grade Mo and I got into a bad fist fight at school, I don't remember why probably another one of our competitions. Unfortunately, at that point Mo's parents sent her to the Junior High instead of Prep and we grew apart rather quickly. We still swam together but we never talked. Through Junior High we didn't see each other since our parents had also grown apart and we no longer went to the same school. In high school, it was almost like neither of us existed to each other (however now I realize that was much my fault since it hurt Mo's feelings). I went to Mo's graduation party and we spoke but it just wasn't the same. I missed her entire EXTREMELY rough first year of college where her dad was diagnosed with MS and her mom Ovarion Cancer. I totally missed it all because I was so wrapped up in figuring out my own world and had made her feel like I didn't care to know. Mo then got engaged to a total asshole and asked my sisters and I to be in her wedding, she started Mary Kay, moved away, and all the while I was wrapped up in my life. Then... something amazing happened...

Cam (also Mo, really Cameo) had left her POS ex and was newly engaged to Mark. I'm not sure how it all began us talking again, just one day we did. We went to lunch at Lovejoy's and I got my job at MVB which totally excited her! Suddenly we couldn't go a day without talking and I was doing all I could to help with her wedding. We hung out as much as possible (usually once or twice a week) eating dinner, playing cards, or playing with hair. It's all been a blur since we started talking again sometime in late January. Although moving all her stuff out of her apartment in Denver was a blast!

Today I took Cam to the airport and almost cried. It was like the beginning of realization that this whole wedding between her and Mark is real and they really are moving away to California (ha funny that's where Chels moved upon my 2nd time of making her cry). She's only gone for three weeks this time, but then after the wedding it's for good. I hate it because I haven't had a friend like this in forever. One that responds to my messages no matter what and makes the effort to see me and can't go days without seeing me. She's just too good of a friend and sometimes I don't feel adaquete enough for her. She spoils the heck out of me because she knows that I'm a poor college student. She does things like buy me nails, lunch, dinner, breakfast, everything is on her! I try my best to be a good friend by taking her to the airport and picking her up or doing her hair for her wedding... all that I can that doesn't cost me too much. She's just the most amazing best friend and I'm so glad that after all we've been through we are now closer than ever and don't look at the stupid business from before. Now all it's all funny!

Hopefully she'll see this when she gets to Cali and will know that I really do appreciate EVERYTHING she does for me!

Raining in April

I have not seen this much rain since last year when I went to Chicago, but it's been raining all day here as well as Sunday. Lots and lots of rain for Wyoming. I've come to terms with the fact that my dumb professor is going to make me take that stupid retake exam. Although I'm still pissed about it.

It's been forever since I wrote but I honestly just haven't had anything going on... its been a blah past couple days of getting over my viral sore throat and spending oodles of time with family. Not that spending time with family is bad because it isn't.

Really not sure what else to talk about right now lol just wanted to get something in here so it didn't look like I was neglecting it!

College Frustrations

So my Wyoming History teacher is such a dope! He administered a take home constitution exam and stated that we couldn't work togeter. Well what the heck did he think was going to happen that people wouldn't cheat?!?! Come on people cheat in class what makes you think that they won't cheat when not monitored! Well upon grading his test he realized that in his pile alone there were 3 sets of identical tests. So instead of just punishing those involved he make EVERYONE take a retake test and makes the 2nd and 3rd exam combined! Ugh I'm so frustrated! I spent 8 hours on that test and I feel like my time is totally wasted since I get zero credit for it. I know others feel this way as well so I wrote him an email:

I'm sure you are now getting a flood of emails over the constitution exam mishap. I have no intentions to be rude and honestly have no problem doing the multiple choice open book test and I feel like it may be a good compromise for the problem. However, as a take home test it is impossible to believe people won't cheat. Also because it was a test administered to all of the class on a very narrow subject it is possible that many answers would come out similar. Now word for word or paraphrased tests are unacceptable I agree. Yet, I do feel that by making all of the students retake a test that most spent days working on (it took me two full nights to complete it) is unfair. I now feel like I wasted all that time on the test and having to retake it is somewhat of a burden when I am getting no credit for something that made me stress out so much! I feel that only the students that have identical or obviously paraphrased off of each other tests should be the ones that retake it or if not receive a zero. That is academic dishonesty and the truely fair thing to do would be to first off never do it as a take home in the future but for those that did email it to each other (as I heard individuals in class stating they had done) should receive zeros. But those who really did work hard on their own should not be punished with the stress of a new test.

Sorry if this comes across rude, I just wanted my opinion on the matter to be known. Like I said, if you feel my individual test matches anyone elses I would have no problem taking the open book mulitple choice test since I feel that I should know that material by now. However, I would rather no have yet another worry of a test (which I admit yours are hard even as a Laramie citizen my whole life).

Thanks for your time, Sincerely, Keileigh Stibitz

First of all I was very polite in the way I put it and I thought that maybe something else could be done. I got my opinion out there and I guess that is all the matters but I sent that on Wednesday, it is now two days later and still no response! UGH I hate him!

School...

So I made it to the Dr. yesterday and she said it's a "viral sore throat." So annoying, she gave me some pain meds for it and that's about all she can do. If it doesn't stop by Friday then she can prescribe something. It's weird cuz my throat is mostly tight sore not itchy sore. Either way is terribly annoying though.

I've been working all day again today cuz Amanda is sick too :( its just not a good week for either of us! And it's only Tuesday lol. The exciting part about today though is my mom and I are going to pick up our treadmill!!! WOOT! Unfortunately I can't use it due to not being able to breath when I'm not doing anything lol. I also got all my test back today. Two C's and an A. Not very happy about the C's but school is just no longer a priority in my life. I know there's more important things than racking out my brain and stressing out for something that I wont' really use. Only 17 more months (not including vacations) and I'm done. I can't really count all the time off, techniqully I'm only in school for 4 months at a time, so two years of 8 months including this one and I'm done! Ha it's easier to think of it that way than 2 years!

Just gotta continue to be positive about that pain in the butt they call school. Now I'm off to get my treadmill and go to the store, hopefully by the time I'm done packing that all around the store wont be so busy!

Sisterly Love

So today I did absolutely nothing and it was nice! Unfortunately, I'm sick and I'm getting a little worried I'll have to get my tonsels out because they've been swollen for about two months. I hear the older you are the worse it is on your body to do that and the recovery time is longer! I cannot stay outta work that long, we'll see I'm going to get to the doctor Tuesday or Wednesday...

My sister left today and it kinda bummed me out. I feel like her and I haven't ever been as close as we are now, however, we never talk to each other while she's gone. I got to spend almost every night with her this week and we had so much fun. Although we did get into a fight Wednesday night (possibly my fault I was irritable and grouchy). I think I've come to realize that if we weren't sisters I don't think we'd be friends. We're so so SO different from each other from how we look to our views that I think through blood we've been forced to be friends. I love her therefore we've also been forced to agree to disagree on almost all aspects of life! She is the kind of person that is outgoing, talkative, likes everyone, and is all about getting out and seeing the world! I am the type of person that would rather stay home, let strangers talk to me, very judgemental, and stay close to my family. My grandma says that she'll come home... ha she's only fooling herself, after being in Portland and Italy and having a career as a pastry chef, the last thing my sister will do is come back here.

Well as I said earlier I'm sick so I gotta get off to bed before my throat explodes!

Elton John

Stupid blizzards makes me mad lol!

So last night I went to see Elton John and it was awesome! I love his music over the radio but in person he's just amazing! His voice is so different but in a good way. He is one of the few people that is better live. He played Rocket Man of course and suprisinly I teared up but never cried! That is a huge feet for me, my mom and sister cried and I have no clue why I didn't. Maybe I've actually come to terms with Grandpa dying although I don't want to. I miss him a lot. I miss having someone to talk to that's interested in what I'm interested in but knows what he's talking about! Don't get me wrong I'm glad I didn't cry.

Hm... for some reason I have nothing left to say. I'm beat from so many late nights lol. Not used to it!

Miserable Bandwagon and Seperate Lives

So I didn't finish yesterday but oh well. I guess that was just saying that was enough complaining for the day and it didn't really matter anyway. Plus, I'm getting so tired of everyone complaining to me. I'm really on this kick of find what's good in your day and run with it! I can't get stuck behind on the bandwagon of unhappiness and miserableness with everyone else. I may have little to nothing left over at the end of the month and work my bum off in order to barely make my bills, but I LOVE my jobs! I have a blast everytime I go to work and have met some awesome people and that is well worth the fact that I hardly make money. Plus, money is not the root of our existence. I love my family and friends and I love the people I have in my life. Sure I had a really crappy last couple of days but even with Shane being broken, he still managed to make me smile and taking care of him made me feel good about our relationship.

Speaking of Shane, I have come to find some awesome things about us. Apparently he and my sister talked Saturday whil eI was talking to Devon about his life and Taylie. She asked him how we were doing and he said great, that we had our seperate but together lives. It makes me feel wonderful that he is able to tell other people about us and he's positive about our relationship. I went through a silly kick at the beginning of the week where I thought he still wanted to see other people. Then I talked to him about it and he told me I was plenty for him and that I was being silly and he was good with me. Funny cuz I had no evidence to why I was feeling this way, but I was. However, it was nice that instead of just telling me I was dumb he laughed his way through it with me calming my nerves and not making me feel like an idiot for bringing it up. I also really enjoy having our seperate lives. I feel it helps with our trust to not always be together but still have time for each other. It makes me realize he wants me and no one else as well and that he trusts me. It also makes for the time we really do spend together special and not just the same old thing.

Well not much else for today, we're celebrating my mom and Jocelyn's birthday tonight and I really hope we have a good time. By mom's been really down lately.

So sometimes a girl just has to complain. I haven't wrote for the past couple days because the past couple days have been ridiculously horrible! I finally today finished my 3rd and last test of the week and while I don't think it was a failer, it was in no means an A. The first question along with some others (mind you think is math) threw me off so bad. I changed my answer on one question which linked to another 3 times alone, I also changed my answer on 2 questions once, AND this doesn't add to the fact that I couldn't even remember how to do the first question! On top of that I feel like I'm getting a flu/stomach bug so I've had a killer headache all day. Monday was slightly better I had one test and was able to study all day. I also took care of Shane then worked from 430 until 930. Tuesday was a MESS!!! I took my test at 930 then went to work from 1030 until 930 with an hour break. PLUS the people we were doing the event for were 45 minutes late! Pushing the dinner back and I was starving. On the plus side not everyone showed up that was expected so Ben gave us all the extra steak and Salmon. That was way good!

Weekend celebrations and Sprained Ankles...

So this weekend has been one for the books! Friday night we didn't get home until 3 in the morning. It was well worth the trip though cuz my sister is home and safe and we spent all day Saturday together. Saturday I woke up at like 8 which sucked and then I just laid there until about noon when I had to shower to go to lunch. My dad took us to the Bear Tree and then we came back and went to the soccer game. After that we went to my cousins and that's where the chaos began.

We had a celebration pretty much of her coming home and drank a little too much (totally not like me, I think it also had to do with no food). Then we decided to box and wrestle and stuff (with our special no hurting rules of course). Jordyne kicked the poo outta me this time lol and then Lisa kicked the poo outta Jordyne. All in all in was a fun night until I got home and Shane had hurt his ankle. He was sober and of course the only one to get hurt. Him and Matt were wrestling and somehow he twisted his ankle the wrong way. So we tried icing it which only made it worse. It was hurting so bad he couldn't stop the tears (not like crying) because he was trying to keep control of his breathing. So then Rory went to the ice place to get ice and made an ice bath for Shane's foot as well as found some ace bandage things for it. So, Shane and I proceeded to spend the next hour and a half icing his ankle (15 on 15 off). Finally around 4 we went to bed.

This morning Jerry came and picked up Shane and made him go to the ER. Unfortunately all that came out of that was what we thought. Nothing more than a really bad sprain and nothing we can do. Dr said no work for 2 days, stay off, ice, and prescribed some percocet. So kinda a waste but probably for the better. Due to my no sleeping for the past couple days I'm exhausted now! I did some studying (my mom thinks I won't remember it) and went to Shawna's Bridal Shower.

All in all it was a fun weekend though aside from sprained ankles and a killer headache. I wish my sister was here more often and that we would talk more while she was gone! I had a blast with her yesterday! Well off to bed and then the start of crazy week!

Picking Up Sister!!!

So today we're leaving at 5 to go pick up my sister friom the airport so she can spend her Spring Break with us! I haven't seen her since Christmas so depsite her flight getting in at 11:45 at night I'm so excited to see her!!! Yesterday I was so worried cuz the weather was so bad they shut down DIA it was hard to stay optimistic! I also have all weekend off which will be nice seeing how busy next week is going to be! Now I'm going to watch Sex and the City commentary version at work. It's been a slow day and I'm just waiting for Cameo to come so I can give her the blanket I made her! All in all I'm really excited today so of course it's going by really slow. My mom is getting her hair cut at 6 in Fort Collins, then we're going to meet Bill for dinner then by that time we should be ok to head to the airport to get Jordyne.
Unfortunately this is another short one but I'm sure you'll hear A LOT from our trip tomorrow!

Late Days, Parking Tickets, Brocolli, and a Change of Heart

Ha! It's just been one of those days!!! Neither mine nor Shane's alarms went off, actually I think they did, but we both left our phones on vibrate! Go us! Lol, I woke up an hour later than I had set my alarm, therefore, I had 25 minutes to shower and get ready for the day... I have to say I did well lol. I left my house at 850 on my departure for school... stupid snow! It looks pretty, but it's not fun to drive in. Luckily Shane got outta bed early to start my car for me while I was taking my 5 minute shower so I didn't freeze. Due to the snow and my lateness I was the bad kid that parked in residential sadly costing me a $50 ticket... we'll see when I have money to pay that.
What started as a not so great day never turned bad however, except also being 15 minutes late for work! Ugh, go me AGAIN!!! I'm trying to kick my horrible drug habit of sweets and coffee... it's a killer I tell ya. So far I have had nothing sweet today but instead had cooked brocolli! Anyone who spends lots of time with my mom would know that I hate brocoli so much (i can't even spell it) that one time I was trying to get it all down in one gulp of milk and unfortunately had too much in my mouth blocking my throat and causing me to pass out. Yes children, I passed out and seizured from brocolli! No hard feelings though, my grandma made it for lunch for the little guys today and her and I both painlessly choked it down. However, drivin across town from Alta Vista to work is inevitably what continued my late day!
Now here I sit at work watching Because I Said So (a daily occurance). I've come to find this movie is my little fairy tale, along with Sex and the City, that I seem to want to live by! Maybe I shouldn't watch these movies so much or movies in general. Give little girls bad images lol. Sex and the City is a killer though cuz it's totally opposite of my life. New York City, COME ON!!! Ha I only wish I could survive there, but little hometown me could not handle all the people without becoming a total bitch... don't laugh it's the truth! We all know however that I've found my Big and God only knows that it will also be 10 years that we've been seeing each other that we finally get married...
Speaking of marriage, I've had a TOTAL change of heart. I've always wanted the big fairy tale wedding (ha just like in Sex and the City). And in fact that movie has also helped my change of heart. I always wanted to big fun wedding with lots of people to celebrate with me, the princess dress, and awesome EVERYTHING!!! Yet, after watching Sex and the City the thousand times I've watched it, I've come to realize that it's not MY wedding, it's our wedding. As much as I love my best friend her 200 guest wedding is killer both money wise and people wise. It is for her, but not for me! Are there 200 people that know both Shane and I, or heck even just me, well enough that they should come to my wedding!? Also 200 hundred people would scare the living crap out of Shane, he's too much of a keep to himself and immediate family person for that. Also, along with the movie, I've learned from work that sometimes it isn't worth the money you will spend for one day! Sure it's an awesome celebration and a good excuse for a party, but that doesn't me that everyone needs to watch me say "I do." So here's my new plan, get the honeymoon and wedding done at the same time. I love beaches they are my favorite places to be. Therefore, I'd love to go on a cruise and get married on a beach. Anyone who would like to come is more than welcome but I don't expect everyone to be there. After my awesome week at sea, I will come back and have a HUGE barbeque. Hamburgers and hot dogs all the way (my dad said he'll make Shane ribs lol) and everyone can bring their favorite side dishes. I don't expect gifts because by the time Shane and I are ready for that we will probably already have everything we need.
I'm just too simple of a person for all the rest. Plus, no wedding or ring will ever change the fact that Shane and I love and care about each other. Sometimes in the silliest ways possible like him beating a video game then setting mine up with all the extra stuff so I can beat it (even though it'll take me twice the time). Or me telling him to go to dinner by himself with his friends and I'll find something else to do. It's just stuff like that, I don't need gifts or constant I Love You's to know he does. If the boy asked me today in the McDonald's drive thru with a 25 cent ring I'd say yes because it isn't about anything but us!

Whoops!

Forgot to add one thing! I had to do that background because first off I love pictures with little kids and secondly those are my favorite kinds of kisses. Right on the forehead! Makes me feel loved and still get butterflies even though Shane and I have been together 5 years!

Gray Clouds

Today I decided that instead of parking my car just 3 blocks closer to school then still walking like 3 blocks to get there I'd just walk. After it took me 15 minutes to walk from my house to 14th and Ivinson I decided I'd just walk to work as well... so after walking from 4th and Lewis to 14th and Ivinson then slowly making my way back again then turning around after lunch to walk to 9th and Clark I ventured from there to 2nd and Grand. Lots of walking I must tell you but even on a chilly day like this it wasn't go back! I threw my black pants in my bag (material is much thinner so I figured that would make me cold), grabbed a hat, and my usual Snap-On Camoflouge gloves (a product of my dad), and began my journey around the north part of town lol. Funny thing about it, I got warm walking with all my clothes. I also noticed while walking that gray clouds can be really pretty especially with the sun shining behind them. Now however, the real blizzard has set in and I had to call for a ride lol.
Some other things I've realized today are that I love being happy! I love not having anything to complain about :) it just makes me feel warm and different and lately I'm doing great at everything! I've found hobbies I love such as crocheting, writing, and photography. I oddly enough love playing video games with Shane. And I love having weekly dinners with my family and friends. I know this is short, but I am on my way to a weekly dinner right now and need to get all my stuff together!

Chilly Day

So it feels warmer than they said it was going to be... who knows if it really is though? Except, it's still pretty cold outside. These random weather changes destroy my hair, kinda remember why it's short and always up lol. BUT i love it long and it's time to grow it out, if only it grew as fast as my dang nails. Today was a work filled day, nothing too special. Amanda moved the shop around and it looks REALLY nice in here. Seems like there's more space and just a bit more organized. I did the display cases and I feel like the Cathy's Concepts one is cluttered but oh well.
Moving on to school! I've decided that's the only thing that brings me down! College is the worst ever and I always thought that it would be the best times of my life... ha I think those are yet to come. Next week I have 3 exams, work 40 hours, and my sister will be in town. I've decided of all those things school is the last one I am going to worry about. It's not really what I want to use, I'm just going to get finished pretty much to get finished!
On a good note! My mom met this really cool guy named Bill. He seems way nice and oddly a lot like her when it comes to his morals and passtimes. I really like him a lot and so does she, but we've both learned not to get our hopes up!
3 days until I get to see my sister!!!!!! So excited! Then after she leaves, little does she know only like 5 weeks until I get to see her again!!!! My mom is really worried about her, with the recession she doesn't make good money and has a hard time paying her bills. I think she needs to find a way to get rid of her car again, but then she wouldn't be able to go where ever she wants whenever she wants and that might be difficult. Other than that, I can't think of anythign she could get rid of. My dad pays her cell phone bill, but that still leaves her with school, rent, utilities, insurance, and car payment! Scary stuff, but I make it through every month and I know she will too!

Short one!

If I could see when I walked outside it would probably be pretty but I can't see due to snow blowing like crazy in my eyes! Yesterday we did some Spring Cleaning and it was so nice outside I went on a 3.5 mile bike ride with my mom (that's a short one for us) and the boys cleaned the back and front yard. I cleaned the kitchen and boxed up all the extra old pots and pans we have! Honestly, it was somewhat relaxing although it took me almost 3 hours.
We also traded beds with my mom. She has one of those do not disturb matresses, but right now Shane hates it. My mom said it took her a couple days to get used to and he just hates it. Wish there was something I could do other than trade back cuz it's a king and I think we REALLY needed that!
For today, that's about all. School started again and as always that's not so fun but I'll live.