Fears

Well... I'm thinking I should rename my blog "fail blog" cuz so far I'm failing at this whole daily blogging thing lol! Anyway I'll just keep going through and if it's not 30 days in a row then oh well, at least I kept going... I just like to spread things out lol.

So today's subject is all about fear.  Not only saying what my biggest fears are, but explaining why they are my fears. 

My number one biggest fear has most definitely got to be graduating from Grad School.  There are many reasons why I worry about graduating, but mostly it goes back to the fact that I have no idea what will happen after I graduate.  I suppose the recession has a large part to do with this fear, the fact that we live in Wyoming and I am getting a degree in Social Work does not help.  I do not feel like there are that many social work jobs in Wyoming.  Along with not knowing what the future holds career wise, I am afraid of what changes may come afterward.  I have already changed a lot in my first year of Grad School so I'm worried about who I really am without school.  Cuz in all honesty, I don't know who I am, so there will be a lot of work that needs done as I transition into a new path this next year.

My second fear, as odd as this may seem, is birds.  I hate birds, I am not sure when this fear began, but it is a pretty bad one.  I just think birds are very nasty and vile creatures! I feel like they could be pretty vicious too, especially birds like crows.  I also have a hierarchy of hate for stinking birds, crows are the top of the list, then nasty pigeons, and everything else follows those two. 

I'm not really sure what my third fear would be because honestly #1 takes up a lot of space.  I've always been a little afraid of heights, mostly because I'm afraid of falling and breaking something, specifically cracking my skull.  Other than those few things though I'm not sure I'm afraid of much else.

20 Random Facts

So easy way to start huh? 20 random facts about myself, I am just gonna go with it and not worry about if whoever reading this already knows.

1. I have NO idea what I want to do with my life even though I am now going on to my 6th year of college and will be graduating with my Masters in a year!
2. I know I don't want to be in Wyoming forever, I want to experience different places.
3. My dog is probably the being that loves me most in the world, she gets super upset if I'm not around and really excited when I come home.
4. I have a million best friends, I cannot just choose one!
5. Most of my friends do not live in Laramie, they're all over the States.
6. I have way too many weddigs to attend this year, good thing weddings are fun!
7. I think my niece is the best child in the world.
8. I'm not sure I will love anyone more than I love my sisters!
9. In approximately 4 months I will be in a new house... WOOHOO!!!
10. Both my parents still live in Laramie, in fact, other than my sister my entire dad's side of the family lives in Laramie.
11. I love the beach.
12. My best feature, at least in my mind, is my eyes.
13. I can't stand a dirty house, the problem is I hate to clean.
14. I am so so so easily distracted it's not even funny.
15. My favorite summer activity is fishing, I could spend days and days and days by the water and be perfectly content.
16. I am so impressed by kids, they are really so smart, society is what tends to ruin them.
17. My mind is my own worst enemy.
18. I have a love/hate relationship with cooking.
19. I'm doing the Tough Mudder in a month, I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into!
20. I need to get back to meditating, writing to Chelsea, and blogging... ahh summer!

Let's Kick This Back Into Gear

So, part of my 101 in 1001 was to blog everyday for a month then continue every other day... guess what my 1001 days is up in October and my blogging skills have been on the decline.  So in order to help myself, I found an activity on pinterest from another blog (Hope and Dreams http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html, check em out).  So, therefore, I will do my best to try the 30 things and blog everyday for a month. Perfect timing too since this is the last week of the semester!

So here is the list and then I will add another post (for today) to answer the question:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.


2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

7. What is your dream job, and why?

8. What are 5 passions you have?

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

28. What is your love language?

29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Bettering Myself

I've come to a conclusion that I must better myself, I think everyone always knows this. I just know there is always room for improvement and I need to keep improving! One of the aspects of improvement I have started is regular meditation. I have always tried to meditate, but I just kept saying I didn't have time. Well after going to the Graduate Assistant seminar, I learned saying I don't have enough time is never true. So I have started budgeting out my time (suprise, suprise, we have way more time than we think).

Back to meditation. Since I went to Philly and saw my friend Sonia meditating every night for 5 minutes, I thought well I'm gonna do that too. Well Philly was in April, I hadn't meditated once since then...

Well about two weeks ago I began reading Eat, Pray, Love. Similart to most, she has a hard time with her meditation as well and I have used her as my inspiration. Starting Tuesday night I set my goal of meditating 5 minutes every night and I did it. Tuesday nights meditation went okay. I felt my thoughts slipping to "how am I going to fit this in my schedule? yeah right before bed works..." wait don't think of that. So I would go back to Elizabeth Gilbert's suggestion (author of Eat, Pray, Love). Ham-sha (Hahhmm (not like the food), shaw), which means I am THAT in sanskrit. Ham on inhale, sha on exhale. It works until my thoughts wander again... "what about yoga or pilates? where will I fit that in." But I quickly debunked that thoght and was back in inhale Ham, exhale sha. Overall, Tuesday night went well... the five minutes actually went by faster than I expected!

Then Wednesday came and I began meditation again. Well I told Shane I would meditate and of course he starts singing a stupid song right as I sit down. To which I get up and tell him "this is serious" and close the door on him. Well Capri followed me out and kept trying to lick my hands or cuddle with me. Then she starts growling at the nothing she always growls at. Yet, the back door was open making me think someone or something was there. So my eyes shot open and I looked around... nothing there just as I expected! So I closed my eyes again... but nothing, no focus, hardly a full Ham-sha without a thought in the middle! Ugh!!!!

I suppose there will be good days, and bad days! I'll be back at it again tonight and I have a meditation class at Ruby Juice on the 24th and 31st! I'm definitely looking forward to those!!!!

Why I Won't Go to My High School Reunion

We all look back at high school and most of us have a good experience... if it's not good at least it's "okay." Well I guess I was lucky in a way because I lucked out... then again I spent most of my sophomore year with Shane, junior year with Betty, and senior year avoiding going to school altogether. I had a friend every year and tried to keep it at one, and other than my wonderful husband I cannot say I am friends with any of those people anymore. I tried to stay out of everything and just act like I wasn't there, but I still had people who hated me (mostly because I was dating my husband and they weren't). However, I had it good for the most part, not popular and not too picked on. Yet, I think of at least three people (who are amazing) who did not have the same experience.

These three people (who will remained unnamed) never tried to create drama, but for some reason it always came to them. From throwing 'I hate NAME' parties, to making fun of someone for their weight, or even continuing to say TERRIBLE things publicly about a person, these girls endured more from others than most. I can say one thing about these girls though, they kick ass!!! They have all worked hard to become who they are today, mom's, professionals, students. Just all around amazing people!! Yet, when I look at the "mean" girls, they haven't changed. They still find ways to cut down someone else in order to make themselves feel happy. They still harass the same people they did in high school and in all honesty, still party and drink like they are in high school!

This is why I won't attend my high school reunion. I have few friends I still talk to on a regular basis that I went to high school with. But these three girls (although some I didn't see much in high school) are still a huge part of my life. I just cannot condone the way the "mean" girls treated others and in my world I will erase them however possible!!! I just hope all the girls (and boys) that are enduring bullying today realize they are the bigger person and that they will find the people who care the most about them. Bullies never change, but they do at some point realize they have no true friends!

Well... crap!

I just looked at my last post... it has been over two months! I haven't even said anything about being engaged or wedding planning or life in general. That is all old news though so let's start somewhere else.

I am currenly 6 weeks into full swing school!!! It is overwhelming and crazy! I start a class on Friday to add to my list, it is nuts for sure. I am currently doing a 42 hour training so I can be a SAFE advocate which is really exciting!

So far wedding planning is on hold. School has made everything else in my life take a back seat and school and I are packed in the driver's and passengar's seat! So far I have a 4.0 WOOT WOOT!!! Keep it up!

Well I know this is a short one but I hope to be doing this more often and get back into the swing of things!

My sister!!!

My sister is a tank and not in the I'm a big girl kind of way but in the I'm so strong inside and out kind of way, she is not only a rock but more of a boulder that can't be moved. She has been through a lot for only being 17 and she just gets stronger, more mature, and smarter everyday. She is a great mom and definitely someone I aspire to be more like especially in the mom area!!!!

I guess what I'm most proud of is how happy she makes those around her and how mature she is. After the text she sent me the other day about running I offered to go with her the next day to help her out. She was definitely in for the idea. After all day of her not feeling well she still was a trooper and came running with me anyway. After she got the pace of not sprinting down she said it was a lot easier. She ran two miles with me with only a few short walk breaks. What made me even more proud is she never gave up, she powered up all the hills even after she said she wasn't sure that she could make it! I'm just so so SO proud of her!!!

Wheat if you ever read this I just want you to know I love you more than any words could ever explain. The connection I have with you is even more than just a sister thing, you are my best friend in this whole entire world and even though you are younger than me I always look up to you!!!!